Depression

    It is that time again. That time when depression comes out of nowhere and seems to affect every aspect of my being. The day starts out normal and then BAM! I bottom out. 

    That's the shit thing about depression: it can have a reason or it doesn't have one at all. Most of the time it doesn't have a reason. It's bad that I feel like I don't have someone to vent to and get things out of my head so I can feel a little better. 

    Music therapy (playing my guitar) helps some. Playing takes the edge off but I still feel down. I do get to jam today and I'm looking forward to that. Perhaps my buddy's brand of weird will be refreshing. Being in the gym helps but sadly I still smoke for the time being so I can't afford it. It cost just as much as my cigs do. 

    So on December 16th when I make my next attempt, when I get paid after that day I'm getting a gym membership so I can combat depression. Seems to be the only thing that works that doesn't just suppress it or make me numb to it. I hate medication. To me it doesn't seem to work. Smoking pot worked really well also but because of my work, I can't use that either. I really don't know if I'm right for this field but that's for a different blog. 

    I often wonder when I'll ever escape the grasp of depression. Will I ever be able to just stay up? Will there be a time in my life that I won't have to struggle for things? Will I ever do the things I want to do? Everyone tells you only time will tell. But will it really? But the real question is, what am I going to do about it? No reason to complain about something without a solution. Too late for that in this case however, it's not too late to look for a solution.