It is that time again. That time when depression comes out of nowhere and seems to affect every aspect of my being. The day starts out normal and then BAM! I bottom out.
That's the shit thing about depression: it can have a reason or it doesn't have one at all. Most of the time it doesn't have a reason. It's bad that I feel like I don't have someone to vent to and get things out of my head so I can feel a little better.
Music therapy (playing my guitar) helps some. Playing takes the edge off but I still feel down. I do get to jam today and I'm looking forward to that. Perhaps my buddy's brand of weird will be refreshing. Being in the gym helps but sadly I still smoke for the time being so I can't afford it. It cost just as much as my cigs do.
So on December 16th when I make my next attempt, when I get paid after that day I'm getting a gym membership so I can combat depression. Seems to be the only thing that works that doesn't just suppress it or make me numb to it. I hate medication. To me it doesn't seem to work. Smoking pot worked really well also but because of my work, I can't use that either. I really don't know if I'm right for this field but that's for a different blog.
I often wonder when I'll ever escape the grasp of depression. Will I ever be able to just stay up? Will there be a time in my life that I won't have to struggle for things? Will I ever do the things I want to do? Everyone tells you only time will tell. But will it really? But the real question is, what am I going to do about it? No reason to complain about something without a solution. Too late for that in this case however, it's not too late to look for a solution.
